Love Letters From A Therapist’s Journal: Dear Me,-A Therapist's Self-Care Love Letter

Love Letter- Dear Lauren,

You haven’t been yourself lately and it shows. Your hair was looking like a bird’s nest. Your toenails looked like eagle’s talons (Yikes!). Until recently. You have dark(er) circles under your eyes. Yet when people ask if you are okay, you automatically say, “yes, I’m okay.” But you’re not. You tell yourself you’re a therapist, you’re “supposed to be okay, to have it all together.” You also tell your clients that supposed is not a good word — it imposes expectations, sometimes unrealistic ones. Sometimes they are not even our own expectations!

GIRL! You are NOT practicing what you preach! You know what your problem is? You try to do everything yourself— you think you’re the only person you can really depend on. You suffer in silence — you don’t share your struggles. You don’t allow yourself fun. You think you just need to work.

What would you tell your clients? “You can be on top of your duties and still have fun. You need to.” Come on, girl! Therapists are human, we are imperfect. They teach us we can’t take a client where we have not gone. And that is true, sometimes. But sometimes people need to hear your struggles (very carefully). It can help them — to see therapists are people (with imperfections) and to help normalize some of the struggles they feel and may not otherwise share. Like you aren’t, Lauren.

Reflections

They say in every crisis, there is opportunity. Taking a good strong look in the mirror helped me to realize: I am not taking care of myself as well as I thought I was. I am not honoring my emotional well-being. I learned that we all have to care for the total self. You too, might work too much, not sleep enough, not enjoy recreation, pour everything into your family, job, children and nothing into you.

Well we (yes, we) are going to turn the page on this. We are going to learn to manage our self-care and consistently — it won’t take all day either, I promise! Self-care is not something we can put down and pick up. We have to be consistent.

Applications AKA Practicing What I Preach

So what to do? I’m going give myself homework for the week. As my clients know, I love giving homework (lol). I am going to go back to my love letter and write down 3 struggles I identified. I am going to give myself the space to process them and then I will give myself 3 actionable steps to address them. Just for the week. Ready? Ok, let’s do it. Stay with me.

“You try to do everything yourself. You think you are the only one you can depend on.”Lauren, you know you cannot do everything yourself. Like for real. You have people who love you, who want to see you succeed. You have to put your pride (yes, your pride) aside and accept help. Yes, people have disappointed you and it makes you somewhat reluctant, but don’t shut down. Also, as a Christian, you know to depend on your Higher Power, God. And not yourself all the time. Mommie always says, “We do the possible, God does the impossible.” Believe in that.

So from this, actionable step #1 is for me to ask someone to complete a small task (not one I’m emotionally attached to). And let them do it. Simple. Right? Maybe simple, but not easy. Do it anyway (lol). Also, I need to carve out time to honor my spirituality. I need everyday, set aside time for prayer, meditation, and studying the Bible. It does not have to be full-on Bible study. Just 10 minutes to reset.

“You suffer in silence — you don’t share your struggles.”Lauren, you have to depend on your community. They say no man is an island. Be honest about what you are going through. Share it with someone you trust. The people who care about you can already see it all over you. And frankly, some of those who don’t can see it too (real talk). So actionable step #2 is to call a friend and ask to vent. And just share and give voice to what has been going on. You play it around in your head. Just share. Cry if you need to. But don’t carry this load alone. You have to let someone in.

“You don’t allow yourself fun. You think you just need to work.”Lauren, people miss your laughter, your jokes, your presence. We get you have goals, we all do. But allow yourself some fun! You were about to sign up to work on Thanksgiving! That is your favorite eating holiday! You planned to eat, sleep, and repeat. Allow yourself that. To enjoy your family and to laugh and joke and sing karaoke. And fall asleep in the middle of it. LBVS. But seriously, you’ve got to put some fun and laughter in your life.

So actionable step #3 is: this week, plan at least 3 fun activities for the next 2 months.

In recap, my three actionable steps this week are:

1. Ask someone to complete a small task (not one I’m emotionally attached to) and for 10 minutes every day, set aside time for prayer, meditation, and studying the Bible.

2. Call a friend and ask to vent — and share.

3. Plan at least 3 fun activities for the next 2 months.

Completing The Love Letter

Dear Lauren,

This letter is not to shame you. It is not to criticize or demean you. It is to help you. We all need “pull ups.” This is in intense love and concern. You got this, girl! We all struggle with the weight of life sometimes. You have to remember yourself. You always say, “you can’t pour from an empty glass.” You’ve just got to start filling the glass (of you) back up. You are worth it. You NEED it. Self-care is not a want or an option, self-care is a need. So we are going to do it! I am excited about your future! And remember, progress! Not perfection!

Love,

Lauren

So this week, I invite you to do what I just did — write a love letter to yourself. Identify your struggles with no judgement, no shame. Then pick apart the struggle a little bit. Meaning, try to identify why it is a struggle and what that struggle means to you. Then take a struggle or 2, and give yourself a homework assignment (for one week) to address the struggle. Ask yourself, how do I NOT do this? What do I need to do? And show yourself love, compassion, patience, and understanding in the process. Because you are doing the work. And the fact that you’re starting is amazing. It’s phenomenal. Give yourself a pat on the back! No, literally!

You Are Not Alone!

If this letter reached you and you would like some additional encouragement and tips between the weekly love letters, to practice self-care and to make yourself a priority, you can join my e-mail list — no spam, just support for your journey to practice self-care and be your very best you! Leave a comment to let us know how you are doing with your letter, your self-care or just to say hello!

I will leave you each week with an inspirational quote, some borrowed and some original. This one is one of my favorites:

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” — Jack Kornfield

About The Author

Lauren Cartwright, MS, LCPC is a licensed therapist with over 20 years of experience helping professional women (and all women) achieve balance through self-care. Lauren is a Christian, a mother, and a breast cancer survivor who integrates faith, humor, and honesty into her work. She wants to help readers reconnect with themselves so they can discover what truly works for them and practice self-care in a way that fits their lives.