Love Letters From A Therapist's Journal: Dear Overwhelmed You

Hello and welcome back to the blog! This space,  Love Letters From a Therapist's Journal, is where I will share weekly "love letters." 

Typically, love letters are poetic expressions of love and adoration, but here, I  am using them as a form of self-care.  Every week, I will post a love letter (because who doesn't love a good love letter?) to our different selves- the many versions and aspects of who we are. But one thing is for sure: ALL of our selves need love, care and compassion.

These letters are meant to bring awareness to the need for growth, highlight areas that could use a little extra care, and offer small, practical steps to help along the way.

Last week, I began the series with " Dear Me-A Therapist's Self-Care Love Letter. "I had to practice what I preach.   I wrote honestly about my own challenges with self-care, identified some personal areas of struggle, and shared a few small, actionable steps, i.e. homework,  to help anyone who’s been neglecting their own needs. It was a gentle reminder that everyone ,even a therapist, sometimes has to restart, to make self-care a top priority. 

This week's letter, "Dear Overwhelmed You, " is writing to the version of yourself who is at her wit's end and filled to the brim!  From here on out, every love letter will be written to you. I just needed to start by writing my own letter first ,because, real talk, I can’t ask you to do what I’m not willing to do myself. 

So, without further ado,  let's get to the love letter!

Dear Overwhelmed You, 

I can see that life is getting to you. And you're so selfless, that even when your're struggling, you try to hide it.   You don't want people to worry about you.  

But... shouldn't they? 

It is okay to admit that you're struggling.  After all, you are juggling so many things- family, friends, work, school, housework.  And not to mention all the thoughts running around in your head.

Are you sleeping well?  Are you eating well?  Do you feel well?  

Where did you learn that you have to do everything all by yourself?  Do you accept the help that you so freely give to others? You're empathic and compassionate everyone else's struggles, but are you being too hard on yourself?

Do the people the closest to you really know the depths of what is truly going on with you?  Do you think you are really hiding from them...or are they just waiting for you to come forward?  

This isn't judgement or criticism.  I understand what you're feeling and why you're doing it.  But you deserve to be the best version of yourself.  And none of us can be that without a little help.  

Reflections

So far, we've recognized "the what," the fact that you're overwhelmed, at the end of your rope.  You may feel helpless and hopeless.  I get it and I am here to help.

Whether you believe it or not, this is a good place to be.  Being overwhelmed and recognizing that you are overwhelmed.  

But what next?

We have to recognize the who, the why, and the how.  

(The when is easy!  it's now!)

( And so is the where!  it's here!)

What do I mean by "the who?"  

Remember at the beginning when I said we have different versions and aspects of self?  Well, we need to identify what aspect, or part, of you is overwhelmed. And we do that by being attentive to what is going on with us, our bodies.  Our symptoms, our physical cues (what we feel going on with our bodies) point to what parts of us need help.

•  Is it your physical self? Is your body tired? Are you sleeping enough?  How is your

  appetite?

  
  

•  Is it your emotional self? Are you sad one minute, happy the next... or just very very sad? Or anxious? Or angry all the time?

  
  

•  Is it your spiritual self? Do you feel disconnected from your Higher Power? Or Low in faith when you're usually strong in it? 

  
  

This is what I mean by the who. 

Next: "the why."

This is the reason why you feel overwhelmed.  We need to get to the root of why you don’t feel balanced. Why you don't feel satisfied.  

Here's a simple exercise-start by identifying how you are feeling , then  just keep asking yourself why.  Each “why” leads to deeper insight, helping you uncover the real reason you are overwhelmed. Even if you start with, "I don't feel balanced.  I don't feel satisfied,"  each answer brings you closer to the root. 

And now you may be wondering, "what about the how?"  

No worries.  I'm glad you asked.  The how is the next section.  

Applications 

Now we get to the how.

The how is what we plan to do to get you, the who, from point A (feeling overwhelmed and unbalanced) to point B (feeling less overwhelmed and more balanced).  

The reason we are overwhelmed, the why, guides us to our plan, the how. 

For instance, if , after the why exercise, you discover that you're overwhelmed because you don't like to ask for help (like I shared in my letter), then you have to learn to ask for help.  I know, I know, easier said than done. But delegating tasks frees up time for yourself. 

Or, get this, you may have to leave some things undone (not essential, but everything is not essential). Your mental health,  your self-care, comes first.   

The who exercise also guides the how: it reveals which areas our solutions should be focus on .  For exampe , if your spiritual self is struggling, eating more fruits and vegetables or drinking more water won't  help.  The solution must fit the problem. 

So, if your spiritual self is suffering, after delegating or reducing  tasks), you can set aside time to honor your spirituality, to pray, meditate, listen to worship songs, read or whatever else you do to nourish that part of you. 

The exercises for the who and the why naturally guide us to the how.  Simple....but not easy.  

Next, let's finish the letter.

Completing the Letter

Dear Overwhelmed You,

You are doing an amazing job recognizing that you need help—and taking steps to do something about it. We have explored the who, what, when, where, why, and how of your overwhelm. But the most important why is simply YOU.

Because you deserve happiness.

You deserve balance.

To be the woman you want to be.

You deserve rest.

You deserve peace. To be able to do all the things you need to do—and some of the things you want to do. To feel fulfilled in your life. To be better. For you.

So you can fulfill all the roles you choose to occupy—with ease. To lay down in bed and rest. To enjoy your meals. To feel good in your body. YOU are the most important reason.

I know you can do this. You’ve already shown yourself that you can. I am so excited for your new beginning.

With Love,

From Your Therapist's Journal

You Are Not Alone!

If this letter reached you and you’d like additional encouragement and tips between the weekly love letters—practical ways to practice self-care and make yourself a priority—you can join my e-mail list. No spam, just support for your journey toward your very best self!

Leave a comment to let us know how you’re doing with your letter, your self-care, or just to say hello!

Each week, I’ll leave you with an inspirational quote—some borrowed, some original.

"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you." 

— Anne Lamott

About the Author

Lauren Cartwright, MS, LCPC, is a licensed therapist with over 20 years of experience helping professional women (and all women) achieve balance through self-care. Lauren is a Christian, a mother, and a breast cancer survivor who integrates faith, humor, and honesty into her work. She wants to help readers reconnect with themselves so they can discover what truly works for them and practice self-care in a way that fits their lives.