Love Letters From A Therapist's Journal: Dear Stressed Holiday You

Hello and welcome back to the blog! This space, Love Letters From a Therapist's Journal, is where I will share weekly "love letters." 

These letters are a form of self-care-We speak to ourselves in these letters, with all of our layers, with all of our complexities.

The purpose of these letters is to shed insight on the need for and areas of growth, and to provide small, practical steps to help along the way.  I have already posted 2 letters, one to me and one to you. To read the letters and get caught up, check them out on this blog!

This week’s letter, “Dear Stressed Holiday You”,is to a very specific version of you, the you who “does the most” for the holidays. The one who believes she can do it all, and is willing to die trying.

Dear Stressed Holiday You,

What started you this year?  Did you hear Jingle Bells on the radio?  Is it all the holiday decorations you see in the store?  The change in the weather? Whatever triggered you this year, Ms. Stressed Holiday You, you are here in full bloom.  You have so many things going on all at once-even if just in your head.

Who’s hosting the holidays this year?  How are you going to decorate the house?  What’s on the menu?  What family members are going to come?  What are the kids going to do on break?  How am I going to do all of this and still go to work?  The list is endless.  The tasks are endless.  But your time, energy and sanity are not. I mean, you are doing all of this for what? For who?  You can’t keep going on like this.

Reflections

As we review this pattern, there are some areas you can highlight and address . Some questions you can answer. Do you get triggered every year? Does it appear to come out of the blue? And who are you doing all of these things for? Does it truly make you happy? Or are you doing it because everyone expects you to? Do you feel like you have unlimited things to do in limited time? Does it seem unmanageable?  Does everything have to be perfect?  Well, I am going to give you some tips to bring some order to this situation.

Applications

The first tip is Plan and Prioritize! One way to avoid being triggered is to plan your activities around this time of year.  So there is less frazzling around planning-no one wants to be triggered and set into a frenzy.  So, schedule a time on the calendar (well in advance) that you are going to start planning for the holidays.  So you can enjoy the songs, the changes in weather and the holiday decorations as ambiance, not triggers. Because you have a plan. You know what they say-failing to plan is planning to fail.

Now to prioritize-you have to determine the things that are important to you and the things that are not-the things you do for other reasons-like for other people and “because that’s what I always do.”  Now this is not to say that any of these reasons are wrong, but you have to choose which areas you are going to place your energy in.  Because you cannot place your energy in everywhere and in everything.

Break It Down! When you have a task that seems huge, monumental, it feels almost impossible.  But it isn’t. You have to shift your perspective about the task.  I tell my clients all the time, you have to appreciate that big tasks are just a series of smaller tasks.  So if you have a huge task, break it down into several smaller tasks.  That makes it more manageable-in thoughts and in action.  Remember, 5+5 equals10, but so does 2+2+2+2+2 (a little math for you lol).

The next tip is Remember You! This is something you can also do during the Plan and Prioritize phase. While you are planning things for everyone else, remember you.  Remember that you are a part of the celebration, even if you are the hostess. Don’t just sit on the side and watch others laugh, love, celebrate, eat, drink and be merry.  You be a part of it also.  Enjoy every minute of the hard work you put into everything. Honor your own needs and wants. Take a minute to meditate, pray and be still and calm.

The final tip is Let It Be! You must recognize that in spite of your best planning and efforts, there will always be something that goes wrong. And that is okay.  Everything will work out if you put your best foot forward-and you will. You always do.  You know what they say, “you do your best and let God do the rest.” They also say, “you gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.” LOL.  The point is, you have to recognize what is in the realm of your control and what is not.  And place your energy into what you can.

Completing The Letter:

Dear Stressed Holiday You,

You don’t have to spend every holiday stressed.  You deserve to enjoy the holidays-for it to be a time of wonder, cheer and happiness.  You have a plan to prepare and you are going to keep what is important front and center, namely you.  You can plan and manage all of your responsibilities, while keeping your sanity.  I look forward to hearing about how wonderful your holidays are and how you changed from Ms. Stressed Holiday You to Ms. SuperHoliday You!  You’ve got this!  I believe in you!

With Love,

From Your Therapist’s Journal

You Are Not Alone!

If this letter resonated with you, sign up to receive a Holiday Reset Tool-practical ways to reclaim your peace and prioritize yourself this season. Also, if you’d like additional encouragement , exciting news and tips between the weekly love letters, you can join my e-mail list. No spam, just support for your journey toward your very best self!

Leave a comment to let us know, what are your plans for the holidays?

Each week, I’ll leave you with an inspirational quote or saying to ponder.

“God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

-The Serenity Prayer

About the Author

Lauren Cartwright, MS, LCPC, is a licensed therapist with over 20 years of experience helping professional women (and all women) achieve balance through self-care. Lauren is a Christian, a mother, and a breast cancer survivor who integrates faith, humor, and honesty into her work. She wants to help readers reconnect with themselves so they can discover what truly works for them and practice self-care in a way that fits their lives.